The Purpose of a Father

 Before I dismiss the kids, I want to start with a video - "Dad Battle"

Being a dad is one of those things, that the more you do it, the more you realize just how much you don't know. Because I have six kids, some have had the mistaken impression that I could somehow give them parenting advice... I'd suggest talking to Christian grandparents further down the road and ask them for advice - but even then, it's just advice. To become the fathers that we need to be - we need to go to God's Word.

Being a 'dad' isn't easy. Moms are awesome; no one works harder than 'Mom' in raising kids - but some today reject the importance of a good father. God designed the family a specific way with different roles - not more important, but different. And of course every family is different, but ignoring the important role a really good dad plays in the family is unwise. And, just my experience - I've found that the really good fathers can learn a lot about being a good dad by watching a good mom...

One author wrote, "We knew once the Creation was broken, true fathering would be much more lacking than mothering. Don't misunderstand me, both are needed - but an emphasis on fathering is necessary because of the enormity of its absence."

I believe that men today need Godly direction, encouragement and much prayer. No man succeeds in His God given role as a man without a lot of prayer along the way. It is a fact that everything works best when we follow God's ways - so let's remind ourselves of what that design is...

I. The role of Fathers

We've heard the term 'a mother's intuition'; how moms just seem to know stuff - but what about us guys? If you can't plug it in, toss it around the yard or turn the channel on it, it's really outside of the realm of our instincts. Truth is - we all learn to be parents by doing; trial and error.

If you were raised by a strong, loving, caring father - Father's Day is a blessing filled with great memories. If, however, you were raised by a man who consistently hurt you or was simply absent - it can almost feel like a curse. When fathers are emotionally disengaged from their kids, those children feel a deep emptiness inside. When a dad is mean or abusive, the damage in a child's life is devastating. That's not God's design for fatherhood.

Fathers have a great deal of influence over the success or failure of their families. I want us to look at the Biblical role of fathers. I want those who are fathers to be encouraged and all those who have fathers, or know fathers, to encourage them. So let's look at several important Biblical aspects of a father's role. God calls men; calls fathers to be a sacrificial ...

A. Provider

Most have recognized that part of the job is to provide for the family - to make sure there is food, shelter and clothing. The Apostle Paul, giving instruction for how those in the Church should live, wrote this in I Timothy 5:8 (NIV)...

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Paul doesn't mince words. In context - this applies to anyone, but I want to look at its application to fathers. Men - we know we're to provide for our families. We can see that there is an obligation to support our families. The problem comes in as to how to balance that support.

Now, I don't want to imply that women are helpless, by any stretch. Many women work and the two income household has become somewhat of a necessity for many. And I also know that in today's economy, the financial roles have changed for some families based on skills and education and circumstances. But bottom line - we are to provide, one way or another, for our families.

Many young men, once they gain a bit of freedom as young adults, start to pursue their individual dreams and goals. And that's fine - but as men grow, and especially when they decide to submit their will to Christ's - they learn they have a higher purpose than just pursuing their own plans. Many of us have probably seen men who have given up many years of their life working a job that might not particularly be their dream job - but they do it for the sake of their families. Being a man, a good father may require sacrificing our wants and working hard in order to supply the physical needs of our families.

Men are to be sacrificial providers. But that's only part of the job. Working hard is not an end in itself. God gave us 'work' as a gift - but work can also be abused. We're to work to support our families, but not to the neglect of our families - and that's a hard balance to achieve. We should be working to give our families what they need and frequently what they need most is us. And don't let being a sacrificial provider eclipse being a bold ...

B. Protector

I don't consider myself to be overly brave. I didn't serve in the military, I'm not a 'big guy' - but I've told my kids that I'd jump in between them and a wolf before I'd let it get to them. And I have no doubt that's true - even through I've never put it to the test. And again - it's not because I'm brave, but because I'm a dad - kids change everything! If a big dude charges at me I'm pretty sure I'd step back, but not if they charged at my kids.

One psychologist wrote, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Men - we do have a large responsibility to protect - both physically, but perhaps even more importantly - spiritually.

I see many men who put a roof over their family's heads to protect them from the elements but do nothing to protect them from the non-spiritual garbage that this world has to offer. Do we protect our families from the lies of the world that go directly against what the Bible teaches? And it's all around us! The world is actively celebrating a whole host of things that the Bible clearly calls sin. The time period of 'childhood innocence' has decreased greatly - perhaps, in large part, because men have failed to stand up and say, 'No - not in my house!' What are we allowing into our homes and the lives of our families?

Proverbs 14:26-27 (NIV)

He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. (27) The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.

We are to provide basic security, a freedom from fear of being hungry or without shelter or danger - but also the security that comes from a strong Christian environment in our homes. We are called to protect our wives' hearts from the fear of us straying physically or emotionally through affairs or pornography; from the fear of our unfaithfulness. We are called to protect our children and wives from our own anger. We can do more damage to our families by not controlling our anger than any outside threat can do.

If we do not provide a sense of trust and security in our households - how can we expect anyone to easily follow our spiritual leadership? It's our job, as fathers, to provide and protect and to be an influential...

C. Teacher

My kids will only be little for a short time - but I will always be their father - and they'll learn from me, one way or another. - It's a matter of being intentional with what I teach them. I don't claim to be the smartest guy ever - but I know about God, I know God. Yes, they need to learn skills in order to make a living in this world - but they also need to learn about Jesus to be prepared for the next. That's what they really need. Listen to Solomon's words of wisdom in Proverbs 4:1 (NIV)...

Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.

How can they learn if I don't put in the time to teach them? - And not just about everyday things, how to handle money or shave or to be polite - but about things that will last beyond just this life. We see the challenge that God gave to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (NIV)...

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. (19) Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

(20) Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, (21) so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

Fathers are to tirelessly teach. In our culture, we sometimes tend to see it as a female role to teach kids. I know my kids spend way more time with Mom than Dad. But, fathers, grandfathers - we, too, are to teach our kids about God. And it's not just teaching with words but through our actions, how we show love, how we treat others - even those who may disagree with us. Our kids will learn from our example - good or bad.

Fathers are to provide, fathers are to protect, fathers are to teach - and men who follow Jesus need to strive to be...

II. A man of God

In the Old Testament, Moses was referred to as 'a man of God'. Many prophets who spoke God's truth were called 'men of God'. Elijah, Elisha, David - all called 'men of God'. And then we see this New Testament passage - after Paul condemns various evils, he then challenges Timothy in 1 Timothy 6:11-12 (NIV)...

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. (12) Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

Many of you have grown children and even grand children. Some still have kids living at home and others are just starting out. All of you will one day pass from this life. Will your family remember you as a 'Man of God'...? Will my kids remember me as a "Man of God...? - Or just a guy who was gone all the time to pay the bills?

Since you're listening to me now - you're not dead yet. So make sure you are doing something now to earn that title. And as Christian parents and grandparents - one good way to start is to...

A. Love your children

And some would say, 'of course I love them' - but would your kids and grandkids describe you as a loving, Christian man? My kids know I'm not perfect. They know I can be grouchy when I'm tired, or in pain, or my schedule's swamped. They know I can get angry and impatient when they don't listen to their mother and obey. But what I really want them to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that I love each and every one of them with my whole heart!

I tell them every night at bedtime, and I'm kind of affectionate with lots of hugs, even the boys, even the one who's taller than me - which I think they may sometimes get annoyed by... But I don't really care - I want them to know their father loves them!

I know I'm still 'green' as far as 'fathering' goes compared to many here. But I have learned a lot about love by being a father. I will provide for, protect with my life and I will do everything in my power to raise my kids with a knowledge of Jesus Christ. They may, as adults, choose to reject Jesus and the Church - but it will only be in the face of my never ending teaching, discipline, encouragement, and love.

And the fact that I love them the way I do as a flawed man teaches me a lot about my perfect Heavenly Father and the depth of His love for me. We see the example set for us by God Himself...

Romans 5:8 (NIV)

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus loved us so much - He chose to take our punishment and die for our sins. To be the 'men of God' that our families need to lead them - that's the kind of love they need to see and experience from us. And one of the most loving gifts you can give to your kids is to...

B. Love your wife

Men, the best gift you can give to your children is to love their mother and treat her with respect. There have been times when I've had to apologize to my kids for not showing my wife the love that she deserves. Your example when they're young, and even when they're grown, will greatly affect how they treat their spouse and lead their families. Never underestimate the influence of a strong, loving, bold, Christ-like father in the lives of your family.

I believe one of the best ways to bless a wife is to firmly remind her husband of his God given responsibilities. Women need men to act the way that God designed them to act. God says...

Ephesians 5:25-28 (NIV)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, (27) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

We are commanded to love our wives more than we love ourselves, with a love that is willing to give everything. Based on that 'high bar' - I'm guessing we've got some work to do. I know I do. If we can't love our wives the way that God has directed us - we fall short of the honor for which Father's Day is intended.

So What?

Men - 'Father's Day' may be about us - but fathering is not. We have been given a role for a purpose - and that purpose is bigger than us. We are called to be the spiritual head of the household - and being the spiritual head is not about being a ruler, but a servant. You are there for the needs of your family.

They need you for a lot of things - but most of all they need to see you pursuing Jesus. They need to see you praying. They need to see that prayer, time talking with God is a priority in your life. They need to hear you praying for them - and with them. They need to hear you leading prayer at family gatherings. They need to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is at the center of your life. If they don't see that - chances are pretty good that God will not be at the center of their lives.

Your family needs to see you reading God's Word. They need to repeatedly see that God's authority is the source of your authority. They need to see you taking time out from other important things to spend time reading the Bible. If they do not - the Bible, and their faith, will just become a tradition, an empty ritual that really doesn't make much of a difference in their lives.

The responsibilities that we have been given are huge. And we can't do them right without following Jesus in everything we do! Happy Father's Day!