The Best Plan
At the last Board meeting I mentioned that today would be the Super Bowl and right before Valentines' Day - so I might preach about love or teamwork. To the credit of every man there - they acknowledged Valentines' Day and wisely suggested love. So I'm going to talk about sports. Just kidding...
I am going to talk about the Biblical understanding of romantic love between a man and a woman. But because of the culture in which we live - there's a significant amount of confusion about 'love' and 'sex'. There are no prohibitions in scripture about who we can love - God wholeheartedly encourages love towards everyone. However, God has placed important restrictions, for everyone, on His design for the intimacy of sex. One of the most neglected passages from the Ten Commandments is the seventh, from Exodus 20:14 (NIV)...
You shall not commit adultery.
One college professor asked his class, "If you had to downsize the Ten Commandments, which would you cut out?" The overwhelming response was to do away with this one.
I realize that it may be uncomfortable to discuss the topic of 'sex' in Church – however, the world's already talking about it all around us whether we like it or not.
Research shows that 90% or more of sex portrayed on television is between people who are not married to each other. It's reported that 70% of husbands and 50% of wives have had sex with someone beside their current spouse. 35% of men and 26% of women admit to having an extramarital affair.
We hear about "recreational sex" and "casual sex", but God encourages "sacred sex" - God's design for a man and a woman in the context of marriage.
There was a recent controversy at a Christian School in Florida. One mother was told she needed to park across the street to drop off her kids. She claims she was being singled out just because of the large decal on her SUV advertising her sexually explicit 'OnlyFans' account. The schools handbook states that "immoral conduct" is prohibited and that parents must sign a statement of cooperation - but the mother argues, "It's legal, you know...I'm not breaking the law." She clarified that the pornographic content is, "only me and my husband" and said her account "supports my family" and "provides a very comfortable way of life for us."
She's correct about it being legal - and she would even argue that it's not technically adultery. But 'legal' doesn't equal 'moral'. And one can try to get around the 'letter of the law' - while disregarding the 'spirit of the law' - but that doesn't make it right. As followers of Jesus, we are called to…
I. Keep sex sacred
Many forget that God is the one who created sex in the first place. I'm sure that some would say they would prefer that God keep his nose out of the bedroom, but when we ignore God's design for His creation – we end up with huge problems. Most people have been so misled by our culture that they have no idea of the original purpose for which God intended sex.
God designed intimacy between a man and a woman as something that is sacred - not for public displays, not as a way to promote products or make money, but something to be treated with a great deal of respect. God designed intimacy as an important part of marriage between one man and one woman. Sex is sacred because God says…
A. Marriage is sacred
A magazine had an article entitled "Top Ten Reasons to Commit Adultery". Some of the reasons were because it's exciting; it makes you a more experienced person, and therefore more interesting. But the number one reason was simply because it's fun. No concern for the pain it might cause; no concern for the lying involved and certainly no respect for the sanctity of marriage.
Many would agree with some of God's commandments. 'For society's sake we shouldn't steal or kill – but when it comes to adultery, that's a private concern'. Actually, 'sexual values' are a societal concern. There's no denying that when families suffer, society suffers because society is a collection of families. Families do not function well when marriages break down, marriages break down without commitment and trust and vows are broken when we do not respect sex as sacred.
God forbids adultery in the Old Testament, and the New Testament goes on to define adultery as anything that violates marriage. God designed marriage to be a permanent covenant. And lasting marriages don't just happen because of luck or because they just happened to find the exact right compatible person for them. Lasting marriages happen because of commitment and hard work to honor a covenant made before God. And God takes this commitment seriously.
In the Old Testament, God was angry with His people, the Israelites, and rejected their offerings - and they didn't understand why. He told them through His prophet in Malachi 2:14 (NIV)...
You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
Why is God angry when we break our covenant of marriage? - Because it reflects on our covenant with Him, the first commandment to put Him first in our lives.
When we promise to love, honor and cherish 'til death do we part – we have no idea what the future holds. We don't base the marriage covenant on two changing people, but on the unchanging nature of God who values marriage and stands ready to protect it. God designed marriage and part of His plan is that marriage be a…
B. Celebration of intimacy
King Solomon wrote, in Proverbs 5:15-18 (NIV)...
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. (16) Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? (17) Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. (18) May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Solomon was obviously not just talking about water here. God designed a way to celebrate the covenant of marriage. It's more than just a physical act. It is about two people, a husband and wife, becoming one. That's why 'casual sex' is so against God's design.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NIV)
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
(5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
God is not against sex – He encourages it between a husband and wife. He is against misusing sex outside of the context of marriage.
Ephesians 5:31-33 (NIV)
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." (32) This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. (33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
God sees the marriage relationship as a metaphor for Christ and the Church. Just as you can't separate the Church from the loyalty, trust and love of Christ, marriage was designed to be an intimately woven relationship. The way we relate to our spouse is to be a testimony to the world of Christ's love for His people.
Let's briefly look at defining adultery a bit more…
II. Physical and Mental
The most obvious form of adultery is physical - a sexual act with someone other than your spouse. God designed sex in marriage to be a mutually beneficial, loving act. An affair is about taking, using someone for your pleasure. - Not respecting sex, leads us to 'using' people. And this is not about us judging anyone - none of us are without sin. But we have to clearly speak God's truth, and it says this in Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)...
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
- We can also see that Jesus spoke of adultery as mental. Jesus always takes the law and goes deeper. We may claim that we've fulfilled the command 'do not commit adultery' because we haven't acted on our thoughts - we are technically faithful. But Jesus isn't interested in 'technical faithfulness'. He wants holiness. Jesus says this in Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)...
You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' (28) But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Fantasizing about an affair can be just as destructive as carrying it out. When we take our focus off of serving our spouse and focus solely on our own desires and what we want – we are hurting the marriage covenant. That's why pornography is so destructive.
Author Josh McDowell reports the skewed perception of morality that many have. He claims that "while 52 percent of young Christian adults would say that not recycling is morally wrong, only 32 percent would say watching pornography is morally wrong." You can only come to that conclusion if you ignore Jesus' words completely.
One more form of adultery was also addressed by Jesus…
A. Legalistic
A young man who was sleeping with his girlfriend once told me that he wasn't committing 'adultery' since he wasn't married. He was 'legally' correct. But what he was engaged in falls into the category of the Biblical word 'fornication' which is also prohibited in the Bible.
And again, this is not to judge – but are we truly committed to keeping sex sacred – or are we just trying to see how far we can go without getting in trouble with God?
There are those who may not want to commit adultery, but they do want to be with a person other than their spouse. So, they file for divorce, marry the new person and then everything's morally okay – right? Jesus says…
Mark 10:11-12 (NIV)
He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. (12) And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
Jesus is not saying that everyone who is divorced is an adulterer. Many people who have not sought it out have experienced the pain of divorce. Many people have become the victims of divorce. Jesus is speaking of those who intentionally try to get around the rules for their own desires. God will not be fooled. God knows the intentions of our hearts. People of character seek to be moral, not just legal.
Now as we look at adultery as a whole, there aren't many of us who can claim 100% innocence. Not many of us are in a position to throw stones. So how do we deal with this? How do we now behave and live in this sex-saturated world? How should we as Christians act? The first step is to…
B. Take purity seriously
For a follower of Jesus - It shouldn't just be a matter of "what can I get away with and still be okay with God?" Our focus must be on how we can honor God and our spouse. - Or for those looking to marry – our future spouse. We need to make purity a priority in our lives moving forward. Jesus said this immediately after His statements concerning adultery and lust…
Matthew 5:29-30 (NIV)
If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (30) And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Harsh words, but they show just how strongly Jesus felt about avoiding sexual sin. I remember a fellow minister sharing words of wisdom, "Samson, the strongest man, Solomon, the wisest man, and David, called a man after God's own heart – all of them gave in to sexual sin. If they all fell, don't think that you are strong enough to flirt with temptation and walk away unscathed."
As Christians, we have to take purity seriously - even if the rest of the world will think we're crazy. We need to honor marriage. We may be able to honestly claim that we're not 'technically' cheating, but there's a far cry from 'not cheating' to 'cherishing'. Jesus doesn't just want us to do the bare minimum to fulfill the law, but to go over and above and to cherish our God given spouse.
Our marriages are to be a representation of Christ's relationship with the Church. Does that describe your marriage? That hits a little close to home... Too often, our marriages take a back seat to every other time demand. Your marriage may need a bit of work to get it where it should be, but it's more than worth it compared to the price you pay for adultery.
So What?
I would have preferred to avoid this particular topic, but we can't afford to ignore any of God's teachings – comfortable or not. The world never seems to avoid it, it's everywhere. I'm concerned about teaching this command because there may be some who may feel a little guilty or feel somewhat judged this morning. You may even feel you don't belong here. But let's look at one final passage this morning...
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (NIV)
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders (10) nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (11) And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
Church is the best place for those guilty of committing adultery! You need to be right here with the rest of us sinners who desperately need the blood of Jesus so that we can all receive God's grace! God's people need to admit our sin, work hard to get rid of it and then accept God's forgiveness in Jesus! The tragedy is that many times the guilt we hold onto keeps us from serving God.
Sexual sin is not the unforgivable sin. There are many who've rejected their old ways, let go of the guilt and accepted God's way and gone on to have amazing, abundant live in Jesus – lives that God uses for His purposes! That is what grace is all about! In your families – work towards holiness and purity and thank God for His incredible blessings!