Loving Others
Valentine's Day is just 2 days away! And of course I'm an expert on such things as love and romance... Relationships between men and women have always been complicated. But somehow, our society has now made that even more complicated under the banners of 'progress' and 'freedom'.
In the beginning, God created mankind in His own image; male and female He created them. For thousands of years, we've been able to categorize a man and a woman. The concept is easy enough for a child to understand, but now we have highly educated people who can't tell you what a 'woman' is. There's a claim that 'babies are assigned a gender at birth'. They're not assigned a gender, there's actually a rather simple way to tell...
But we're now told that gender and biological sex are two different things. How has all of human society throughout our entire history missed that until now? Our culture has confused sex for love, and love for sex. We're told, 'You can't tell me who I can love!' No one is trying to tell anyone who they can love, but the Bible is very clear on its design of with whom you can have sex...
It's very easy to identify a problem; it's harder to know what to do about that problem. And I know that many would hear this message as one of condemnation - but remember, I'm talking to the Church. I don't expect non-believers to view things from a Biblical perspective. I don't expect them to share the same values as those who have chosen to follow Jesus.
But God created some things as sacred - and those who believe God must treat them as such. The world says that 'human sexual behavior' shouldn't be limited by 'old fashioned' ideas of love and marriage. In fact, for most people today, sex and marriage are completely unrelated. - God disagrees. And He is allowed to make the rules because...
I. God invented marriage
The ideas of marriage and love and sex - those things didn't originate in the mind of man; even though many act as if they did. And because God created them - we need to teach His design for them as revealed in His Word. Of course it's a lot more comfortable to just teach about 'marriage' than it is to talk about 'sex' from the pulpit - especially with my teenage daughter in the back row... But we do need to treat these things as something 'holy', as something sacred from God.
Let's look all the way back to the beginning for a reminder of God's original design Genesis 2:20-24 (NIV)...
So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. (21) So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. (22) Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
(23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." (24) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Some of us have been following Jesus for a very long time and are very familiar with what the Bible teaches on the subject. But we need to acknowledge that not everyone grew up in the Church. Not everyone has been taught about God's design for sex in the context of marriage - and our culture reflects that. God invented marriage, so if we want it to work and be a blessing to us and our society, we need to...
A. Follow His design
Because we didn't invent marriage - we don't get to redefine it. Today, marriage is seen as something a man and a woman might want to do - maybe after living together or if they have children together. And sadly, the ceremony isn't really anything religious anymore, but frequently just an excuse to party and get drunk. There are many who want God's blessing on their relationships, but they don't really want to listen to anything God teaches.
And then there's those who say that marriage shouldn't just be between a man and a woman but even 'same sex couples', or even multiple people should be allowed to marry. And then there's still others who treat marriage as a 'short-term convenience' - they divorce multiple times as if their marriage vows meant absolutely nothing.
Now please don't misunderstand, my purpose here really isn't to judge, but to teach. And I'm very aware that I may be hitting a bit 'close to home' for some families - but please, listen to the end. We need to understand that marriage was created by God to be between a man and a woman and intended to last a life time. And sex was designed for the context of marriage only. Anything outside of that design will bring pain and frustration.
Now God does specialize in taking the broken pieces of our lives and turning them into something better - but only when we submit ourselves to Him. 'Modern man' has transformed 'contemporary marriage' into something it was never intended to be. And just as God invented marriage, God also invented sex - but, again, most of mankind does not...
B. Honor what is Holy
God intended the intimacy of marriage to be a metaphor of His relationship with His Church - something sacred, something holy. The Church is described as the Bride of Christ! But today - sex has been desecrated and turned into something casual that's used as a marketing tool, it's proudly encouraged among children, somehow equated with freedom, and confused with love.
A study found that the average age for most people's first sexual experience was 15. On the college scene we see casual sex with a string of many different partners as the norm. And, according to this study, most children are first exposed to online pornography between 10 and 13 years old.
That is not God's design for sex. The Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NIV)...
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (19) Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; (20) you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
This is not just some prudish, 'puritanical' message! This is God's truth, God's design for holiness - for perfection in His creation! God didn't create sex as something casual but something sacred! Man has corrupted a sacred, God given gift. Prior to this passage, Paul listed all kinds of sins, but then in vs. 18 he placed 'sexual sins' in a whole different category; a whole other level. Does Paul's view of how serious sexual sin is match the way that we live our lives? - And as with any sin...
II. There are consequences
I've talked with people, who try to justify their actions by pointing to stories in the Bible where there were marital infidelities, affairs, and sex outside of marriage. And it is true, the Bible records the real lives of people involved in all sorts of torrid matters; it recounts the whole truth - warts and all. But, if you read the whole story - you will find that those sexual encounters outside of marriage always had consequences. The consequences may even have been delayed - but there were always consequences - always.
I head one preacher say that every sexual encounter will either 'bless or be a mess'. If it's done God's way, it will be a blessing. If it's done the world's way - it will be a mess, sooner or later. Paul wrote this to the Christians in Rome, in Romans 6:18-21 (NIV)...
You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. (19) I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. (20) When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. (21) What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
There are consequences of doing things our own way instead of God's way. And teaching that there are consequences - does not equal condemnation. Jesus didn't come to condemn the lost, but to save sinners; to save us.
Remember the story of the woman caught in adultery? The teachers of the law brought in a woman and made her stand before Jesus and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?"
John 8:7-11 (NIV)
When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." (8) Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. (9) At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.
(10) Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" (11) "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
Yes, the Pharisees were using this woman to trap Jesus - but she was caught in the act of adultery - having sex outside of marriage. Under God's law, she did deserve punishment. But Jesus showed her compassion; He showed her grace. There are always consequences to sin, but when we follow Jesus there is no longer any condemnation. And aren't we glad? Any of you without sin...? - Me neither.
But don't forget - Jesus showed this woman grace, but He still told her, "Go and leave your life of sin." Jesus didn't call it an indiscretion or an 'affair'; He called it sin. Jesus didn't die to wash away our 'poor choices', but our sins. Jesus didn't come to condemn, but to save - but He made it clear that there must be repentance before blessing. Jesus does want us to change, to live differently. And we need to respect that...
A. God's ways are best
I want to share a portion of an article from the Wall Street Journal. And keep in mind this is a secular paper, not a Christian publication. These are the thoughts of a non-Christian writer. Talking about the 'sexualization' of young girls in our society - she wrote...
"It has to do with how conflicted my own generation is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, "If I could do it again, I wouldn't even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?"
"We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret, but that's certainly the norm among my peers."
"We somehow survived our own teen and college years, and now, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites. Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, I don't know one of them who doesn't have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I've ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she'd 'experimented' more."
Hearing the regret in her voice - if she'd only been taught about God's design for love, and marriage, and sex... God's design is not to 'kill all the fun' but to protect us and to give us hope and a real future! When God give us commands, it's not just for the sake of Him having His way - it's because God knows what is best for us! And as I've said, there are consequences to ignoring God's commands - but there's also something we need to understand about the nature of God's restrictions...
B. God's restrictions bring freedom
Now that may sound completely counterintuitive, but it's true. Think of it this way - the speed limit is a restriction. It's usually not there as an arbitrary rule, but as a guide to keep you and others safe from accidents. If I obey that law, that restriction, not only am I safer from accidents, but I'm also free from being pulled over; free from panicking when I see red and blue flashing lights in my rear view mirror. If I obey the restriction that prohibits me from driving while drunk, I'm free from getting a DUI.
Let's look at that with God's law. If everyone obeyed God's command to 'not commit murder', we'd all be free from the threat of being murdered ourselves. If I personally obey God's command to not murder, I will be free from the threat of prison. If I obey God's command to 'not commit adultery', to not have sex outside of marriage - I am free from the worry of having a child with someone who is not my wife; I am free from worrying about any sexually transmitted diseases; I am free from being caught cheating; I am free in the safety and sanctity of my own marriage.
James explains it this way in James 1:25 (NIV)...
But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does.
God's restrictions bring freedom and blessings.
- Has anyone here ever deep fried a turkey? Deep fried turkey is awesome! But how many of you would appreciate it if I deep fried a turkey in your living room? What if I fried one in your bedroom? What if I dropped a frozen turkey into a deep fryer in the front seat of your car? Deep frying a turkey can be a wonderful thing, but only when you follow the rules and only in the right place.
When we use something that God has created in a way that goes against His commands, in a way that God didn't intend - it becomes destructive rather than being a blessing. Sex was created by God within the safety and confines of marriage. Obeying God's restrictions about keeping sex sacred keeps me free from pain and misery and brings blessing.
At the beginning, I said, "It's very easy to identify a problem; it's harder to know what to do about that problem.' Which brings me to...
So What?
We can clearly see the mess that our world has become. We need to learn to become more like Jesus and respond in love. As followers of Jesus, we do need to take a stand in our lives, and in our homes, for God's authority. And we need to respond to those living 'outside of God's design' like Jesus did to the woman 'caught in the act of adultery' - in truth, but with an overwhelming amount of love.
I don't want to be known solely for what I am 'against' - but for what I am 'for'. I am for the sanctity of marriage as instituted by God. I am for reclaiming sex as something sacred, as created by God.
It's not my intention to make anyone here feel guilty or condemned, but to remind us of the grace found in Jesus Christ. It's my intention to encourage each of us to do things God's way so that we can have the most blessed life that we can have - and we can then share God's design with others!