Learning to Show Self Control
It seems you can't consume any media without quickly seeing a celebrity, politician or activist acting seemingly out of control. This morning we're finishing our series on the Fruit of the Spirit - so learning the characteristic of self control certainly seems like something that could help in a culture that continually demonstrates a lack of control.
We've been looking at the results of having God's Spirit in our life and we're on the last of the list from our text in Galatians 5:22-25. Let's look at that now…
Galatians 5:22-25 (NIV)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (24) Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. (25) Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
The word from Galatians translated as 'self control' tries to convey the meaning of an active use of strength, of control over your self. Not a hard concept to grasp, but a difficult one to do many times.
Being able to control yourself is a huge part of the Christian walk. If you don't have control of yourself, it's an extremely hard thing to submit your will to God's will. If we can't be self controlled, can't be disciplined enough to put our good intentions and faith into actions – we won't be very effective in fulfilling our purpose.
All of these characteristics are needed, but let's look at self control which is of course, most simply put…
I. You controlling you
I read a quote that said, "If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles, you wouldn't be able to sit down for weeks." We have to start with 'self', 'us' – and do an honest appraisal of where we are not in control. We need to learn to say "no" to some things in our lives that are not helpful or beneficial as followers of Jesus. Paul writes in Titus 2:11-14 (NIV)...
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. (12) It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, (13) while we wait for the blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, (14) who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
We are to learn to control ourselves while we wait for Christ's return. I want to look briefly at several general areas of our lives that need self control. There are many more, and even each of these could be a series in itself – but let's do a quick survey.
One part of our society where self control is vital is in the area of things that can easily become...
A. Addictions
There are many things that we allow to take away our control - things or habits that themselves become almost uncontrollable. Some of those things are less harmful like maybe an addiction to coffee... or say Snapple... But there's also growing evidence that we're becoming very addicted to our phones. And it's also reported that nationally there is a growing Opioid abuse epidemic. That's pretty serious.
Any chemical, drugs or alcohol that are addictive, that have the potential to become our master - those are things with which we should exercise extreme care. I don't want to come across as too negative, but there are various warnings about alcohol in the Bible. We find wisdom from Solomon on that subject in Proverbs 23:30-32 (NIV)...
Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. (31) Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! (32) In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper.
Now I want to be clear here, scripture does say that it's wrong to get drunk, but nowhere in the Bible does it say it's a sin to drink alcohol. I choose not to drink because I don't want it to be an issue in my ministry, and mostly because I'm cheap and alcohol is expensive. But I can't stand in judgment of those who choose to drink a glass of wine or beer with a meal.
I do, however, want to strongly encourage self control for those of legal age in the consumption of 'adult beverages'. I've never seen any good come from a person getting drunk or high or addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I have seen a lot of pain and regret come from a lack of self control in those areas. Many marriages, families and lives have been severely damaged by a lack of self control in drugs and drinking. Don't underestimate the power that those things can have over you, and how they can affect you spiritually.
Another addiction that destroys lives is in the area of sexual sins and pornography. The easy access to sex and pornography is destroying an entire generation's ability to experience God's design for human sexuality. God created sex as a very good thing between a man and a woman in the context of marriage. Man's lack of self control has twisted it into something cheap and dirty, into something that destroys intimacy rather than honoring it as God intended.
God does not bless sexual activity outside of the context of marriage. I don't care what society says, what we see portrayed in movies or TV, in the modern views on 'casual sex' - God will not bless you when you reject His ways. It's not the unforgiveable sin - but ignoring God's design will always bring pain and frustration and disappointment.
We see that Jesus takes the issue of purity for His followers very seriously when He says this in Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)...
You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' (28) But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
As I've said, there's much to be said about each of these individual topics - but let's move to yet another area of our lives where a lack of self control can cause a lot of pain...
B. Your words
It's easy to point out others' failings in the areas of drugs, or alcohol or sexual sins – but it's harder to see our own issue with our own words. Whether it's foul language, gossip, discouraging words, lying or breaking a trust – all are serious sins that can do great damage.
You can do all sorts of good in your life, but it can all be torn down by a lack of self control over your tongue. We've all seen reputations and relationships destroyed by a lack of control in a person's words. James speaks plainly on the subject in James 3:5-6 (NIV)...
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. (6) The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
James doesn't try to tip toe around it, he clearly says that your words have the potential to destroy your whole life. Self control is a serious issue. The last area I want to mention where self control is lacking for many may be…
C. Your money
You can't buy your way into Heaven, but if you're stingy with the resources with which God has blessed you – that can be a strong indicator of a much larger problem. Do you practice self control over your spending habits, or does your money control you? Where do I find security – in money or in God?
Luke 16:13-14 (NIV)
"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." (14) The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus.
Money in itself is not evil - but underestimating the power that money can have over you can absolutely separate you from God. In this life - some money is pretty necessary to live. To have a roof over your head, to clothe yourself, to eat - it all takes money. And sometimes our bills end up being larger than what we bring in. And it's in those times when we can see whether the pursuit of money or the pursuit of God is most important to us.
Earning money - spending money - investing money - our relationship with money IS a spiritual issue. And speaking as a father of six kids - it can become a pretty complicated relationship very quickly. But when things do get tight - where do we turn? Do we tighten our grip on money - or do we loosen it, demonstrating our faith in God?
As hard as dealing with finances can be sometimes – I don't want my money to control me. If I give 10% to God, right off the top, I can do more with God's help and the 90% that's left than I can with the entire 100% on my own. Where does our faith lie – in money or in God?
If we're going to develop self control in every area of our lives in order be useable for God…
II. How do we start?
Society today likes to blame everyone's mistakes everywhere but on the person. Peer pressure, poor home environment, abusive father, poverty – and there is much to be said for the powerful influence of those things, don't misunderstand. But at some point in our relationship with Jesus – we need to accept the responsibility that is ours in order to receive forgiveness and grace. Where do we start with self control?
A. Control your body
You control your body, your actions – no one else does. You control how you act towards various temptations. I'm always amazed how people can claim they accidentally had an 'affair'. Spilling a cup of coffee is an accident. - Having sex with a woman who isn't my wife – not an accident.
You are in control of your words, whether you use them to build people up or to tear them down. You control whether you are generous with God and others or you allow money to control you. Paul says this in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NIV)...
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. (25) Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. (26) Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. (27) No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.
Be disciplined enough to control your body, to control your actions. God gave us these bodies to do His will here on earth, to enjoy life within the guidelines He set. – Not to keep us from having any fun, but to protect us from pain and heartache. My body can be a good servant but it's a miserable master. And the best way to control your body is to...
B. Control your mind
Your mind was meant to rule your body, not the other way around. Those who belong to Jesus are supposed to use the mind that God gave us to control our actions. There are many things that may feel right to man, but are not right according to God's Word. Just because the majority or even U.S. law says something is right, that doesn't make it right. Do we acknowledge, in our minds, that God is The authority? Do our actions show our allegiance is with God, or somewhere else?
Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -this is your spiritual act of worship. (2) Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.
It's hard to not conform to this world; it takes great strength to resist. I remember the story of Jesus and His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane. He asked them to pray with Him, but despite their best intentions – they fell asleep. Jesus looked at his disciples and acknowledged their lack of self control, and He said, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
In our minds, we tell our bodies to do the right things. But then our bodies don't want to cooperate. We're to practice self control over our bodies, with our minds – but we are not alone in this effort! Let God's Spirit control your mind! It's really not my intention to pile shame on anyone today who finds themselves guilty of a lack of self control. I do want to condemn the sin, but I want to encourage all of us who struggle with self control.
Developing self control on your own without God's help is next to impossible! Submit to God and allow Him to develop the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit in you!
So What?
Years back, Erin and I were scrambling to get packed for our annual trip to Wisconsin. We were leaving before trash day, and since we hadn't yet had our garage built at that point, we packed up the garbage and locked it in the laundry room. When we got home, we found a not so pleasant surprise.
In the two weeks that passed, the garbage had become a nursery for flies. There were hundreds of them swarming all over the laundry room. It was kind of like a scene from a horror movie. We were swinging and swatting all over the room. We were almost overwhelmed by those stupid flies. But we learned the most effective way to deal with them. We had to swat one at a time until they were gone.
As I talked about self control, you may have recognized several areas of your life in which you need to develop the spiritual quality of self control. Don't get overwhelmed. God has promised He will be with you and He has given you His Spirit to help you grow! How do you develop the fruit of the Spirit in your life? Just like you kill flies – one at a time, until the job's complete. Give yourself fully to God and He will make you into the person He wants you to become for His purposes!