Learning to Show Love
Many small Churches in America have been struggling with our rapidly changing culture. And many have not recovered well after the covid shutdowns. Some are looking for a 'silver bullet' in either marketing or programming or outreach strategies to turn things around. And there's nothing wrong with those things - unless a Church is missing the most important things.
You've probably heard a quote that's been misattributed to Albert Einstein, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Researchers couldn't verify if he actually ever said it, but I'm guessing he would have agreed with it.
Some Churches are looking for something new while neglecting a Biblical essential for any Church. Jesus said to His first disciples...
John 13:34-35 (NIV)
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. (35) By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
Any Church that chases after the 'next big thing' without 'love' will always have the exact same result. You cannot be a Christian without 'love' - you can't! I try not to categorize too many things as essential - but just last week I said that knowing God's Word is absolutely essential to grow in your relationship with Jesus. Today I'm saying that love is 'essential' in order to be a Christian. If you can't learn to love - you cannot be a follower of Jesus!
- Every Church, every believer is called to show...
I. Love
Last week I also mentioned that 'Christians bear fruit'. And I had to stop myself, because what popped into my head as I said it was, "What's 'bear fruit'?" That's what's going on in here while I preach... 'Bear fruit' isn't a fruit, but an action - to bear fruit, the 'fruit of your labor' - or more specifically the fruit of God's Spirit in you!
I've done a series in the past on the 'fruit of the Spirit' and I thought it would be good to revisit those things - to make sure we're not doing 'the same things over and over' without God's Spirit 'and expecting different results'. - Both as a Church and in our lives. So this next passage is going to be the basis for a handful of my messages off and on over the next few months. Let's look at Galatians 5:22-25 (NIV)...
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (24) Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. (25) Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
I want us to focus on the first characteristic that demonstrates that we are indeed in step with God's Spirit – that characteristic is love. Even those in our society who don't believe in Jesus would still agree that we could all benefit from more love. Who would be against love? But 'love' may be an overused and perhaps misused word today. In order for us to more fully understand what God means by that word, I wanted to first address…
A. What love is not
Now, you may be asking why I'm not sharing this particular message closer to Valentine's Day. That's because I'm not just talking about romantic love. I'm talking about the kind of love that God desires that we show to everyone – our friends and family, our coworkers, the strangers we may meet in the course of any given day, even our enemies. As Christians, a hallmark of our behavior is supposed to be love towards others.
That being said, let's point out something that may be obvious to some, but perhaps new to others. Love is not only an emotion.
Yes, we know that there is a great emotional side of love - that warm fuzzy feeling, that weak in the knees feeling. But anyone who's been in a successful relationship for very long can tell you that love is so much more than just an emotion. Emotions ebb and flow, they change over time - you can't always control how you feel.
That's where we get this idea of 'falling in and out of love' – the idea that love is something we can't resist or control. But this love that we're called to show is not uncontrollable. And since love is not just an emotion and is not uncontrollable – let's quickly jump to…
B. What love is
What is the kind of love that Jesus wants us to have in our lives that demonstrates that we are in step with His Spirit; that lets people know that we are followers of Jesus? This kind of love isn't an emotion as much as it is a choice. A choice to love even those we may deem unlovable. We don't always have control over how we feel. If I feel sad today – I can't just snap my fingers and instantly feel happy. Our feelings are what they are.
But love is more than an emotion, it's a choice. You can't command emotions, but you can command a choice. Let's look once more at the very first passage we read, Jesus' words again in John 13:34-35 (NIV)...
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. (35) By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
And notice that Jesus didn't tell us just to love one another. Jesus said, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another." - BIG difference. Just how did Jesus love us?
Let's go to the cross for a moment. Jesus' death on the cross for the sins of the world is not a picture of God loving nice people. It's not a picture of God loving his friends. It's a picture of God loving people who really made themselves unlovable.
The religious leaders could hardly wait to get rid of Jesus. They planned and plotted for months. Pilate just wanted to get Him off his hands. The crowd's hatred for Jesus was so intense they were willing to release a murderer from prison, just to get to Jesus. When Jesus died for us, He wasn't dying in some nice church service where everybody was smiling and holding hands and singing "Holy is the Lord." In that moment - they hated Him. They spit on him. They cursed him. With great joy they watched Him die as He said, "Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing."
Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." That's huge! That means we are to choose to love people who don't love us. When we don't feel loving to someone, we are still supposed to choose to love them anyway. How can they know that we have chosen to love them? They'll know by our actions.
There has to be an outward expression of love. If love isn't an action – what good is it? It's easy to preach about love, to sing about love - but we're called to put it into practical action!
1 John 3:16-18 (NIV)
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (17) If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? (18) Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
Love simply expressed with words is nice, but if it isn't followed up with action – what difference does it make? Now, I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss the section in 1 Corinthians that's referred to as 'the love chapter'. There the Apostle Paul spent some time...
II. Describing love
This particular passage is frequently read at wedding ceremonies, which is fine – but it really doesn't have anything to do with romantic love. The principles still apply to romantic love – but Paul was specifically talking about the Church, how we are supposed to work together as a body in love. Let's look at those familiar verses in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 (NIV)...
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (2) If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. (3) If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
(4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (8) Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Paul placed love pretty high on his list of priorities. Think about it – if you memorized the entire Bible, but you didn't have love – you would still be useless for God's higher purposes. You can study the scriptures, you could even go to Bible College and learn from brilliant professors – but it won't matter at all if you don't choose to love people; if you don't show love. One way to know that we have God's Spirit in us is that we demonstrate love.
And one way to know that we are demonstrating love is that we are continuing to grow in our ability to be…
A. Patient and Kind
If we claim to have God's Spirit, we are to show love which means we will be patient and kind to people – all people; even those with whom we have strong disagreements. How do we treat people to whom we don't answer? How do we treat waitresses at lunch after Church services? How do we treat janitors? Cashiers? Stock boys? Bank tellers? Do we show them the love of Christ or are they there simply to be used?
Sometimes, we even get so caught up in our lives that we don't even extend patience and kindness to those closest to us. There are times we lose our patience and say the most unkind, awful things to those in our family - those we claim to love the most. (I hate it when I do that...)
Everyone encourages patience, but far fewer are willing to practice it. When you feel you're getting close to your limit of patience, maybe it's time to remember just how patient God is with you every day. That's a rather humbling thought for me.
Another way to know that we are showing love is that we become increasingly…
B. Selfless
Paul says that love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud – that's selfless – putting others first. In any relationship where you're called to show love to another person, in order for it to work well - you have to be willing to put the other person's needs first. A person who seeks to demonstrate Christ's love isn't most concerned with their own needs.
C.S. Lewis said that to love is to be vulnerable. "Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness, but in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, but it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable..."
To love others as Jesus did means taking a risk. It means putting your faith in God to take care of you - even if the person to whom you show love, patience and kindness treats you poorly. I'm not suggesting we just let people repeatedly treat us like door mats, but it takes a lot of love, and a lot of strength to be…
C. Giving and forgiving
If love is anything, it is a giving relationship. God models it better than anyone else, because He gave first before we were even able to give anything back to Him. - But it's hard. To give first means I have to take the risk. "What happens if I give and the other person doesn't give back? What happens if I take the first step and they don't meet me half way?"
Many times, even if we want to give in a relationship, we settle for a much lower level; basically, negotiating, exchanging, "I'll do this if they'll do that," - keeping score.
What an awful way to go through life, essentially saying, "I did something for them yesterday, so it's their turn." You miss out on the best things in life if you're constantly waiting for someone else to even the score; to make things fair. Love doesn't work that way. Love is giving. Give whether they give to you or not. Forgive whether they deserve it or not. Remember, we are to love others as Jesus loved us.
Christian Love is first an action, then a…
D. Feeling
"Wait a minute, preacher – maybe you forgot that you already said that love is not an emotion!" I said that love is not only an emotion. When we demonstrate real love as Jesus did, the actions may come first and then the feeling. I remember Art Wilkerson used to say, "I love you; but I'm learning to like you."
Our actions impact our feelings. I'm sure all of us have heard a couple say something like, "Well, we just fell out of love. The spark is gone." They mistakenly believe that love is just a feeling – but love is also a choice, an action. You see, mature Christian individuals understand that actions can determine feelings.
If there's someone with whom you disagree - can you still show love to them through your actions? - Even if you don't feel like it? Sure! That's how we can be called to 'love our enemies' - and we'll find when we do the actions - the feelings can follow. When we show love - our enemy becomes less of an enemy and becomes more one who needs God's grace - just as much as we do. When we force ourselves to demonstrate undeserved love - we better understand God's great love for us!
Allow your actions to determine your feelings. We're not commanded to love others when we feel like it; we're commanded to love others as Jesus loved us.
So What?
If we treat others in a loving way when we really don't feel like it – are we being hypocrites? No, we're doing what we've been called to do – to love one another. Feel how you want, but obey Jesus first – the feelings will come.
I'd like to close with a humbling question for self examination - If a characteristic of being in step with God's Spirit is love, and we don't learn to love others as Jesus loved us - can we really call ourselves Christian?
Stop doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Stop trying to follow Jesus without learning to show love. We're called to share God's amazing message of hope and salvation in Jesus– that will never happen without love.