Learning to Show Gentleness

There's a gorilla named Binti Jua who currently lives at Brookfield Zoo. She's well-known for an incident that happened back in 1996. A three-year-old boy fell into the gorilla enclosure. Hoses were used to scare off some of the younger aggressive males and the crowd was horrified when Binti Jua approached the boy. They were sure she was going to tear him to pieces. But as the child was lying there unconscious, the gorilla picked him up and cradled him in her arms. She gently carried him to the zookeeper's door, where the child could be rescued. The boy spent four days in the hospital but recovered fully.

Whether that gorilla understood it or not, she displayed the characteristic that we're going to be talking about today – that of gentleness. We still have a few characteristics to look at from our series on the Fruit of the Spirit. So let's look once again at our key passage from Galatians 5:22-25. This really should be getting familiar to you by now.

Galatians 5:22-25 (NIV)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (23) gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (24) Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. (25) Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Now, as usual – I want to make sure we're clear about what we mean when we are talking about 'gentleness' from a Biblical perspective. So let's start out simply by…

I. Defining gentleness

When we talk about gentleness, it can sometimes be lumped in with the idea of weakness; almost as a negative thing. But since gentleness in our lives is evidence of God's Spirit in us - it certainly can't be a negative thing.

It's bothered me when I've heard people almost brag about their lack of gentleness, almost wearing it as a badge of honor. I've even heard preachers boast about how brutally blunt they were with people. They seemed more concerned with being right than with ministering to people. Now of course we are called to candid, straight forward honesty. But we're also called to persuade people to follow Jesus - not to beat them into submission to God's Word.

Do we trust God enough to lay down our pride and become gentle and humble - or - do we think that if we're not hard line and aggressive the job won't get done to our satisfaction? God's ways are not our ways, and His ways are always better! We need to understand that this idea of gentleness in our lives is not the opposite of strength.

If a person doesn't have any strength, it's not that they're choosing to be gentle, they're actually harmless. - Back to the story of the three year old that fell into the gorilla enclosure. Instead of a gorilla approaching the boy – what if a mouse had crawled up him? Do you think people would have marveled at how gentle the mouse was with him? - Probably not. What else is a mouse going to do? It doesn't have the ability to do any real harm.

The gorilla was described as gentle because she restrained her great power, not because she was weak. The idea of gentleness that we're to develop is not equated with weakness, but of power under control. We see this illustrated perfectly in the person of Jesus. Let's look at Colossians 2:9-10 (NIV)...

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, (10) and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.

Jesus has all power and authority and yet chose to control it. It takes a lot of strength to choose to be gentle, to restrain your words, your strength, or your anger. If we trust that God is truly in control, it's a whole lot easier to show gentleness.

If I can trust God in all situations, then no matter how frustrated I may happen to get with those around me – I can still treat them gently knowing that God will work things out in the end! I need to lean on Him fully even if every fiber of my being is screaming the exact opposite. I have to trust that God knows many things that I do not know, and follow Him. That can take a lifetime to learn, but it's an invaluable skill in developing the 'Christ like' characteristics of the Fruit of the Spirit.

And when it comes to learning gentleness...

II. Jesus is the example

Jesus, even though He was all powerful, chose to be gentle in spite of that power! He humbled Himself and even obeyed human rulers – those whom He - as God Himself - had created! Jesus submitted to those who were only alive thanks to the will of Jesus! That's gentleness! We see this command in Titus 3:1-2 (NIV)...

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, (2) to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.

Jesus did that in His life as an example to us. One reason was because Jesus understood that gentleness can remove many barriers. If we look at the fourth chapter of the Gospel of John, we find a story referred to as "The woman at the well". Here Jesus demonstrated that He could accomplish much more by using gentleness rather than exercising His power. Let's start with John 4:5-9 (NIV)...

So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. (6) Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour. (7) When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" (8) (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) (9) The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

Now we don't exactly know with what tone she made those statements, but Jesus gently replied in John 4:10-12 (NIV)...

Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." (11) "Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? (12) Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

Again, not sure how it was said, but I get the feeling she wasn't really giving Jesus the respect He deserved. But again, Jesus responded with gentleness…

John 4:13-15 (NIV)

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, (14) but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (15) The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

The story ends up with the woman going and telling her friends that she had found the Messiah. If Jesus would not have humbly chosen to speak to a 'lowly Samaritan', if He would have chosen to get offended for not getting the respect He deserved, if He would not have responded with gentleness – that woman would not have found her Savior.

Jesus chose to be gentle because gentleness can remove barriers, and gentleness can also remove condemnation. If we look at another story in the life of Jesus from John, we see yet another example where Jesus modeled gentleness.

John 8:3-11 (NIV)

The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group (4) and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. (5) In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" (6) They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.

(7) When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." (8) Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. (9) At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

(10) Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" (11) "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

As God in the flesh, Jesus was well aware of the laws of Moses. God was the One who gave those laws to Moses in the first place. In essence, this woman had broken a law directly given to her by Jesus! She had sinned against Him – He had a right to be angry with her. He chose to be gentle.

According to the law, Jesus would have been well within His rights if He had picked up a rock and killed her right there on the spot. According to the law, He would have been morally right – according to the law. But Jesus chose to be gentle, out of love. Jesus wasn't saying this woman was innocent, far from it. He even called her to change, to repent - but He did so gently. Jesus didn't come to condemn us, but to save us!

Jesus set the example and used gentleness to remove barriers and even condemnation. If we're to follow His example, we need to realize…

III. The purpose of gentleness

Jesus chose gentleness out of His love for mankind. We are to choose to be gentle for a purpose as well. It says this in 1 Peter 3:15-16 (NIV)...

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, (16) keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

We are Christ's ambassadors to the world! We're to do this with gentleness and humility. We always need to remember that we're no better than the rest of the world, just forgiven. We're to use gentleness to bring people back, to restore them to fellowship, to restore broken relationships. Let's look at Galatians 6:1-3 (NIV)...

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (2) Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (3) If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

There will be times, when one of us, one of us who knows better, will become entangled in sin. That's not necessarily the time to stand in judgment, but the time to gently help them come to repentance - to become convicted of their sin and change their ways. "Am I my brother's keeper?" Yes, in a sense, we are to some degree.

If there's someone with whom you've had a fight or disagreement, and they may have left the fellowship all together – whether you were within your right to be angry with them or not – perhaps you should choose to use gentleness to attempt to restore that relationship. And we're also supposed to use gentleness to bring people to Jesus.

Did you notice in the story of the woman caught in adultery - it was the older ones who walked away first? The older I get, the more I see the need for gentleness. The more secure I become in who I am, the more I realize that gentleness doesn't diminish me. Gentleness doesn't demonstrate weakness - but grace. I'm not even close to perfect at consistently showing gentleness - but at least I value it a lot more as I grow.

Quick story and then I'll close. Back in 2008, a woman in an SUV blew a stop sign and slammed into me just blocks from home. (I seem to have a lot of stories about being in car accidents...)

The SUV hit me hard enough to spin me all the way around and total my car. After I'd gathered myself, I got out and went over to see if the driver was all right. She was and we called the police. Now she was clearly at fault, I had the right of way, and she hit me hard. Few would have blamed me if I had gotten out and started yelling. I didn't.

When the police officer came on the scene, he was surprised I was so calm after seeing the damage to the car. Seeing how the driver and I were talking he asked if we knew each other. Nope, we just met. It was a rather violent first meeting, but our conversation was so calm and pleasant it didn't feel like a major accident had occurred. After my car was towed, the officer offered me a ride home which I gladly accepted. On the way he asked me where I worked... I'm so glad I chose to be gentle on that occasion.

So What?

If we choose to value our own strength - our own rights, our own blunt, candid style of dealing with people over practicing gentleness - does that show that we are following God's Spirit...?

If I had been yelling and screaming at the woman who was at fault and smashed my car – I may have felt justified, but how would I have felt when the officer asked me where I worked? Fortunately, I happened to get it right that day and chose to display gentleness. My witness for Jesus and as a representative of Deep River was intact because of gentleness.

Now, don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for a bit of righteous anger. But more often than not, gentleness is the right response for a follower of Jesus. I hope that you've not interpreted this series so far as just a kind of 'try harder' seminar. I'm not saying, "Just try harder to be patient, or try harder to be more loving, or try harder to be more gentle."

What I want is for each of us to allow God's Holy Spirit to do His work in us, changing us into the kind of person that God wants each of us to be. When that happens, you'll be in step with His Spirit, and the fruit of the Spirit will naturally grow in your life.