How to Develop Patience Quickly
Last month, before Benji and I were to fly to Cincinnati, I had to arrange shuttle rides from the airport and back the next day. I emailed the hospital concierge exactly as I had before and provided all the same details. She replied and asked for the hangar information. So, I contacted the pilot and then sent the additional information.
But when she replied with a detailed itinerary, the address for the pickup had been changed. So I requested a correction and she replied with a new itinerary, but this time the drop-off address had been changed. So I asked if that could be corrected. She replied with the corrected address - but now the travel date had changed, the pickup time was switched and the plane's information had been changed. After a total of 18 emails back and forth - she sent one last updated itinerary with the heading, "6th time is a charm?" - And it was!
Now, despite my frustration - I managed to appear patient. However, 1 day before we were scheduled to fly - our pilot had to cancel and we ended up driving ourselves and cancelling the shuttles we'd worked so hard to schedule.
I'm guessing everyone here has had some kind of experience like that. And If you're like me - you maybe haven't always been very patient in those moments. I managed to be patient with someone I've never even met - but am I always as patient with those right around me...?
I'd like for us to look at a scripture talking about how we treat others in the body of Christ. The Apostle Paul wrote this in Colossians 3:11-14 (NIV)...
Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. (12) Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (13) Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (14) And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
One word that jumped out at me from that passage is 'patience'. One definition says, "Patience is self-restraint which does not hastily retaliate against a wrong and accepts delay or disappointment graciously." Another suggests, "Patience is the powerful attribute that enables a man or woman to remain steadfast under strain and continue pressing on."
Maybe that's where some of you have been - or are right now. You're dealing with difficult circumstances that don't appear to have an end any time soon. Maybe you're dealing with difficult family or work issues, or maybe you have a friend or family member who's ill and you've spent long hours at the hospital or nursing home. You're weary, but patience is the quality that says, "This too, will pass. I can endure."
The definition of patience I found that I like best is, "Patience is a calm endurance based on the certain knowledge that God is in control." That definition puts its faith not in my ability to persevere, but more in God's strength. I know, on my own, patience will always be a struggle, but when I focus on God and His strength – patience is actually attainable.
But let's start out by looking at the opposite of patience…
I. The problem of impatience
When I was a younger man, I probably would have described myself as a patient man - that was before having kids. But a person who is patient is consistently patient. If we're only patient some of the time – we'd have to place ourselves in the camp of the impatient. And based on that understanding - I have a problem with patience. And the first hint that might betray a person as impatient is…
A. Anger
People who are impatient usually escalate to anger relatively quickly. I'm not as patient as I once believed… The Bible says in Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)...
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
- 'But I want to take the city...' No, I need to learn to manage my anger. Anger for a righteous cause, properly channeled, can be a tremendous attribute. It's understandable to get angry about sin and injustice, especially when it compels you to do something about it. I've heard it said, "The person who doesn't feel anger towards evil is a person who lacks the enthusiasm to do good."
But here's the problem – when impatience leads to unchecked anger for selfish reasons... And that sort of anger occurs much more frequently than righteous anger. - Being 'impatient' leads to anger. And unchecked anger leads to broken relationships. People who are impatient are hard to get along with and usually end up leaving hurt and broken people in their wake. Yes, there will be situations that will really frustrate you, but the Bible says, in Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)...
A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Yes, there are people who test your patience and may, in your mind, deserve the brunt of your anger - or passive aggressiveness. But those who follow Jesus are called to 'overlook an offense', even when it's hard to do so. We're called to be self controlled – to be patient. So then…
B. Why is patience difficult?
One reason patience is hard to develop because it's contrary to our culture. We don't live in a relaxed, patient culture. In our world, we expect things right now. We're in a world of fast food, digital downloads, instant messaging, streaming video, online everything and overnight shipping! None of those things are bad – but they sure do add up to one really fast lifestyle. Society tells us to rush, rush, rush. The Bible tells us…
Psalm 37:7-8 (NIV)
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (8) Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil.
As believers – we're not supposed to respond in the same way the world does. Following Jesus has everything to do with giving over our will to His will. Following Jesus is about surrendering our desires to His – something that will always benefit us more in the long run.
One more reason patience is hard to develop is because it's contrary to our nature. We're not born with patience.
I've had a little experience with babies. When a baby wakes up in the middle of the night and is hungry, and has a wet diaper, that baby doesn't lie there and think, 'I know Mommy is tired. I'll just patiently wait until a more convenient time to let her know of my distress.' No! Babies cry impatiently and continue to cry until receiving the attention that baby demands!
Children don't start out patient at all! Part of parenting is teaching a child patience. The expectation is that as we grow, we'll become more patient. And as we grow in Christ, we are to become more patient. So…
II. How do we develop patience?
How do we develop patience in a world that seems bent on trying our patience? Jesus says this in John 15:5 (NIV)...
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
We will not develop patience unless we're 'abiding in Christ'; spending time with Jesus. We need to be reading His Word, we need to be spending time in prayer, and we need to spend time in worship and in fellowship with other Christians. Patience is developed over time with Jesus and in His body of believers – His Church. - And coincidentally some members of the Church will help you develop patience more quickly than others…
Saint Francis of Assisi said, "No one will ever know the full depth of his capacity for patience and humility as long as nothing bothers him. It is only when times are troubled and difficult that he can see how much of either is in him."
Hard times will come and one thing we can do to help develop patience in those hard times is to…
A. Stop 'stewing'
Stop 'stewing', ruminating on the negative, dwelling on the past. This is where I get stuck! It's very easy to try and justify your impatience because of lousy circumstances. But I won't ever develop patience if I keep making excuses for it - justified or not...
All of us have a tendency to complain when things just aren't going our way. And I'm not suggesting we can't talk about our frustrations or express our feelings. But complaining doesn't actually do anything to solve any of our frustrations. Complaining breeds complaining – and encourages our negative outlook on things. 'Stewing' promotes our view of ourselves as victims rather than servants of an All Powerful God.
I need to remember it's much more beneficial to change my focus. Let's look at that first passage again…
Colossians 3:11-14 (NIV)
Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. (12) Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (13) Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (14) And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Notice that word, 'Therefore'... Because we are brothers and sisters IN Christ - therefore - I am to 'clothe myself' with patience. I don't complain about God being patient with me - or about Him forgiving me... So I need to have that same patience with others.
When you're confronted with a difficult situation - ask yourself, will 'stewing' or complaining or getting angry cause more problems than they solve? Will this situation change my eternal destiny? - No circumstance or obstacle can change your eternal destiny - but how we choose to respond to a given situation might. Choose to hold your tongue, control your anger, and the most important thing you can do is…
B. Take on God's perspective
Remember my favorite definition of patience? "Patience is a calm endurance based on the certain knowledge that God is in control."
There will be 'big things' in your life that you simply can't handle without God's help. When you get the test results back from the Dr. and they're not good. When you lose the job that you thought was secure and you were counting on. When someone you love and trust deeply disappoints and hurts you. When you lose a loved one and life seems empty. Where can you turn but to God?
In the 14th chapter of the Book of Exodus, we see that Moses had led the children of Israel out of slavery and they were standing on the bank of the Red Sea. In front of them was this great body of water - behind them was Pharaoh's army. They were caught between the sea and their enemies.
They turned and cried out to Moses, "Moses, were there not enough graves in Egypt? You led us all the way out here to die." Then Moses spoke in Exodus 14:13-15 (NIV)...
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. (14) The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." (15) Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on."
I find that a little bit funny! Moses said to be still – God said, don't be still – move on! And when they obeyed, God provided safe passage for the Israelites through the Red Sea and then swept away their enemies. All they had to do was trust God. But they demonstrated that faith by moving forward. We need to demonstrate our faith by moving forward too – even when we don't see the path.
Years ago when I was going through some tough times, I got some really good advice from my mom. She told me, "God's timing is always perfect. He's rarely early, but He's never late."
We're called to move forward – take that leap of faith and trust that God will act at precisely the right moment for His plans. And His plans are always better than ours! But we need to be patient, even as we move forward – remembering what The Apostle Peter wrote in 2 Peter 3:9 (NIV)...
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Why doesn't God do things on my timetable? Why doesn't Jesus just return today and that'll be the end of all my problems? God is patient and He wants everyone to be saved. Every day that He waits is one more day for people to repent and come to Him.
So What?
Back to the title - 'How to Develop Patience Quickly'. - You can't. True patience comes over a lifetime of difficult circumstances. And you can't control what difficult circumstances you'll face. - But learning patience can make your life a whole lot more pleasant. And - there's a larger reason for us to develop patience.
Without patience - you won't be useful for God and His purposes. If I can't develop patience - that 'calm endurance based on the certain knowledge that God is in control' – if I can't develop patience, I'm of little use to God's Kingdom. People 'outside of the Church' won't be drawn to Jesus through me if I don't learn patience. I need to learn to be lovingly patient with people in order to give them time to repent. Am I as patient with those outside the Church, and their sin, as God is with me and my sin…?
Nothing happens to me in this life of which God is not aware. God will not let us down. Things may not happen on our timetable, but God is never late. If we do not develop patience, we won't be able to fulfill God's purpose for each of us. We may not put patience the highest on our list of virtues to develop, but if we don't develop patience – which shows itself through grace - we won't be very useful for God's Kingdom. Please, let's spend time with Jesus and learn patience.