Defeating Ourselves

 Last week I spoke a bit about the growing division in our nation. It's been said that, "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." I believe this is true. Outside forces are not as large a threat as inside forces.

I also believe this is true about the Church. When the Church is persecuted from outside forces, historically - it grows. But when division occurs inside the Church - many times over menial things, Churches can struggle, wither and die. We've seen it happen. A Church can become its own worst enemy when we forget we are dealing with our brothers and sisters in Christ. And the devil loves to see that occur.

There are many causes of division - some may be a rather big deal, some sort of irreconcilable theological argument. But more often than not - division starts from something small. And I say 'small', but can anything that has the potential to divide the body of Christ be considered 'small'? I'd like to take the time this morning to look at God's perspective on a 'little' sin called 'gossip'. It's just words; it can't be as big a deal to God as some other things, right...? So let's start with a…

I. Biblical perspective on gossip

Let's turn to Paul's letter to the Romans where he was describing those who had rejected God in Romans 1:29-32 (NIV)...

They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, (30) slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; (31) they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. (32) Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Now 'gossip' is only one of many serious charges Paul gives here, but it is included among some pretty bad things. Do we consider 'gossip' as seriously as Paul did? I think if we saw 'gossip' how God sees 'gossip' our attitudes might change drastically.

Many years back when I was in youth ministry and Erin and I were dating, part of that time she was still away at college. We talked on the phone every night and she came home most weekends but not many people in the Church were aware that we were dating because of the distance. When we got engaged it caught some by surprise. A while back I ran into an old youth volunteer from those years who told me, 'Yeah, I didn't know you guys were even dating so when you got engaged I was asking people if they thought Erin was pregnant."

That was a false speculation that could have had some very serious consequences for my ministry at the time. If those 'little words' had gained any traction, they could have had the potential to cost me my job. We have to be very careful with our words.

But some might say that gossip is only knowingly spreading lies about someone, but what if it's true – then it can't be gossip.

I heard a few weeks back that Larry Boender spent quite a few nights away from home with another woman. Now that's interesting gossip! It becomes less interesting when I explain it was because he was in the hospital and the woman was his nurse. But you see, even true statements - if said without the complete context - can become dangerous rumors.

There are several words in the Bible regarding this kind of 'sin of the tongue' that we call 'gossip' or even 'slander'. 'Slander' refers to speaking lies, falsehoods or half truths about others. The difference between 'slander' and 'gossip' is perhaps the method of delivering the words. You see, 'slander' comes right out and stings in public – 'gossip' causes…

A. Injury at a distance

The New International Version of the Bible uses the word "gossips" in the text we read from Romans. The King James Version translates the word as "whisperers".

By way of analogy, here's the difference between 'slander' and 'gossip'. - Suppose I want to 'do someone in'. I take a gun, walk up to them, announce my intentions and then shoot them – let's say that's slander. OR, I take a rifle with a scope, put a suppressor on it, hide a good distance away and then shoot. They never knew what hit them. That's 'gossip'. Gossip is - "Idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private dealings of others."

There are times, of course, when truth about others, however harsh, needs to be shared with a third party. But those times are probably much fewer and farther between than we'd like to think. We should always exercise great caution in talking to someone else about a person who is not present. Gossip is carelessly sharing information about another person true or not, that casts them in a less than positive light.

Of course the 'Christian way' to get around that is, 'I'm just sharing this as a prayer request...' You've heard that one? What's the motivation there - is it really to minister to someone or just to share information that's better left private? What are the...

B. Reasons for gossip

Notice that I say, 'reasons' for gossip and not 'excuses' - there's no real excuse for gossip. Any reasons for gossip are not motivated by love for others. If we look at first Timothy, chapter 5, we find Paul's words regarding younger widows…

1 Timothy 5:13-15 (NIV)

Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. (14) So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. (15) Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.

'Idleness' can be a reason a person engages in gossip. - Too much time on their hands, so they end up choosing to use their words to tear others down; to chat about the juicy news of the day – it's entertainment. There's a reason there are so many gossip shows or podcasts on social media. If people didn't have time, the gossip industry might wither.

And of course, we men agree. "Those women shouldn't be busybodies and gossips!" - But before we get too haughty, let's look at 3 John 1:9-10 (NIV)...

I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. (10) So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.

Men can very much be guilty of the sin of gossip, too - frequently because of another reason for gossip – pride. A man whose pride is greater than his humility will go out of his way to take someone else down a notch or two. Men and women - it takes less effort to tear someone down than it does to build your self up. Let loose a few words, true or not, and in comparison – you look better.

Whatever the reason, gossip is a sin - and for those who want to follow Jesus, we need to get rid of any gossip in our lives. So where do we start? - People always seem to know Christians by what we are 'against'. It'd be much better if we were known for what we are 'for'. A good example of that is found in Romans 12:10 (NIV)...

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

If we took that perspective to heart, it wouldn't matter how much free time or pride we had – we'd focus on serving each other rather than tearing one another down. The intention of 'gossip' is to tear down'. Our goal should be to...

II. Build others up

And this focus on 'others' seems to be a recurring theme. Putting others' needs before our own doesn't really come naturally. But I have noticed that it's a quite common quality among 'moms'. I think we've all seen the amount of sacrifice of time and sleep in the mothers around us. They seem to be devoted to building up their little ones. You don't usually hear moms gossiping about their own kids... Usually it's the opposite - they brag about their kids, how smart or athletic they are - they speak proudly and build them up.

That's the kind of love and sacrifice we need to learn to demonstrate towards others. We have to choose to build others up.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

I know I've told this story, years ago I did something I always tell my wife not to do. I picked up a hitch hiker. I was driving along Rt. 30 and I spotted a young man sitting by the side of the road with his backpack. He looked harmless enough. "What could possibly go wrong...?" He was looking for a ride East to some music festival. He'd been living outdoors for a few days at this point, so he was... understandably a bit disheveled.

I said I could give him a ride as far as Valpo, and there was no lack of conversation as we drove. He told me all about his life, his musical tastes and his plans. Then wanted to know a bit about me. So we talked about working at a Church, and hospital calls and even kids. So after we got to the far side of Valparaiso, I pulled over.

As he was unloading his gear, he asked me, "Can I give you some advice?" - And since I'm never one to turn down unsolicited counsel from random hitchhikers; "Sure." He told me, "You're too nice. You haven't said a bad thing about anyone this whole time. You need to loosen up."

Well, I probably do need to loosen up... And he may have thought I was too nice – but he knew my character, whether he agreed with it or not. And I'm glad I wrote that story down. As I said, that was years ago, 2009 actually, when I 'passed the test' of sorts and didn't speak poorly of anyone and was called 'too nice' by a stranger.

But after the last four or five years of various struggles, medical trials and financial issues - I don't really know how I would fair now... If I would meet that young man again, 15 years later - would he still have the same opinion of me? We always need to work at focusing more on building others up.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

In order to avoid gossip, we are to build others up and we are called to…

A. Live the Word

We hear sermons, we read our Bibles – we need to consistently put what we hear and read into practice every day and keep growing...

Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. (9) Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Those who don't know Jesus should see something in us that makes them take notice. If we really do live like the Bible tells us to, there will be no doubt in anyone's mind that this world is not our home!

However - even when we consistently live according to God's Word, sometimes it is necessary to talk about sin in other people's lives. But before you do, make sure to check your motivation. Is it to help build a person up, to help encourage or restore their relationship with God or for your own purposes?

Jesus gives us His commands about how and where to discuss a person's sin in Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV)...

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. (16) But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' (17) If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

"Just between the two of you" – if that's how we always handled things, my guess is there'd be a whole lot less gossip. We'd have to love each other enough to put their needs before our own and handle things, in a Biblical way, face to face. But even if things progress to the point that Jesus says, "treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector" - how did Jesus treat tax collectors...? If I remember correctly - Jesus called one to become His disciple - the one who recorded this passage we just read...

Since it's difficult to avoid gossip, I'd like to propose some…

B. Practical suggestions

Keep private matters private. Intentionally watch out for places and situations where gossip is likely to happen – time with close friends, around the water cooler at work, small Church groups when you're chatting or sharing prayer concerns… If you are in a situation where someone starts gossiping, resist the temptation to listen or join in. Defend the reputation of the person who isn't there.

Also, look to your conversations first to see if you're the one who needs help with gossip. When speaking about others, always try to ask yourself the questions, "Am I talking about ways to help this person ... or just talking? Is this person being lifted up or torn down?" And here's the big one, "Would I be comfortable if this person were to walk in on our conversation right now? Would I have to stop talking?"

So What?

There are enough outside pressures on the Church, let's not defeat ourselves. We're on the same team, maybe we need to show more grace and act like we understand we're brothers and sisters...

My point here really isn't to get you to control your speech simply so that you're a better person. Not being a 'gossip' will make you a better person - but simply being better doesn't get anyone to Heaven. Our motivation to change any behavior, our only hope of changing is Jesus! Focusing on how we use our words should be for the purpose of helping others in their faith in Jesus. The purpose should be to build people up and bring them in to God's Church!

Don't take God's Word lightly. God counts gossip as a serious sin, so should we. Be careful not to casually talk about other people's lives. The 'truth' that I might carelessly toss around could have serious consequences.

Please, this week, make it a point to pray and ask God for wisdom on this subject. Maybe you need to apologize to someone or mend a fence that's been damaged by your words. May God help all of us to be more sensitive to, and avoid the sin of, gossip – for the sake of others and for His glory!