A Man's Role
Have you noticed that many dystopian movies and books feature some form of authoritarian government that separates families, parents from their children, in order to exercise control? And it's easy to spot in fiction and see the dangers when the family unit is broken up - but it's also been a reality throughout history. We can look back to Nazi Germany or Stalin's Soviet Union or the communist Chinese Cultural Revolution - each of these regimes sought to replace parental authority with loyalty to the state.
So - why am I going on a seemingly 'political diatribe' on Father's Day? Every movement that seeks to diminish parental influence is rejecting God's design for the family. Some are more blatant about that rejection - others are more subtle. But rejecting God's design will only lead to frustration and pain. So I want to start by looking at a passage of scripture that many today would rather skip...
Colossians 3:18-21 (NIV)
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (19) Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (20) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. (21) Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Super Bowl champion Harrison Butker recently caused a stir on social media for his commencement speech that alluded to God's design in this scripture. And many people have a knee jerk reaction to this design based on personal assumptions. Yes, out of context of the whole of scripture - this passage has been used as justification for much behavior that scripture does not condone. And many men want to focus on the 'submit part' without the 'love part' - but the misuse of God's design doesn't negate the design itself.
And the important part on which I want to focus is - did you notice in this design, that men are addressed twice - from two directions? There are commandments to men in both their relationships in the family - with their wives and with their children. The bulk of the responsibility of the success in following God's design for the family seems to fall on men.
Billy Graham once said, "A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society." That's a lot to live up to. Part of being a father is about being a spiritual leader, but a larger part of being a father is about being...
I. A servant
For us to understand and accept God's design for the family - men must see themselves as servants. You may be familiar with the story where Jesus performed a rather unpleasant, menial task for His disciples from John 13:3-5, 12-17 (NIV)...
Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; (4) so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. (5) After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
(Then skipping ahead to vs. 12...)
(12) When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. (13) "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. (14) Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. (15) I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. (16) I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. (17) Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."
As we examine this text, I want all of us to notice, but especially fathers, to notice…
A. What Jesus did
Jesus had taught His disciples about being servants. He'd spoken about it on many occasions, but He also understood that actions speak louder than words.
It was the custom back then that when travelers came into a guest's house, a servant would wash their feet. They walked with sandals on dirt roads shared by donkeys and camels and their feet would be filthy. It was the custom that a teacher would have his feet washed by his disciples. At this meal, there was no servant present, and they didn't wash their own feet – so Jesus did it Himself.
It was not lost on the disciples that their Master had just humbled Himself. These men had seen Jesus perform miracles. They'd acknowledged Him as their teacher and master. They even somewhat understood that He was in fact the very Son of God and yet He was serving as though they were His superiors. That's humility.
Jesus didn't have to take the role of 'door servant'. As their teacher, He could have ordered them to wash their own feet and His as well – that would have been perfectly acceptable. But Jesus was always one to set the example. The very first thing that Jesus did in starting His public ministry was setting an example. Before Jesus performed His first public miracle, we see this in Matthew 3:13-15 (NIV)...
Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. (14) But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" (15) Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented.
Baptism is not really something you do – but something you choose to be done to you. Baptism, being dunked under the water, is an act of submission. Despite the fact that Jesus had no sin from which to repent – He still humbled Himself before John and allowed Himself to be baptized as an example for His followers.
What did Jesus do in washing His disciple's feet? He set the example of humility. Now, I want us all to notice something else, but again, especially fathers, let's look at…
B. What Jesus knew
When we look at the context of this passage, we see that this foot washing took place right before 'the last supper', right before Jesus was handed over to be crucified. Jesus knew that His time with His disciples was very limited at this point. He only had a handful of hours left to teach these men before they would see their leader die.
When you realize you have limited time – you tend to focus on what's most important. Of all the things that Jesus taught these men, He chose to demonstrate humility. And I think there was something else that Jesus knew that helped Him with that characteristic. Jesus knew exactly who He was. Let's jump back again to John 13:3-4 (NIV)...
Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; (4) so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.
Jesus knew that He was Lord. Jesus knew that God had put Him in charge of all things. Notice that it was because of this knowledge, because of His position of authority that He got up and served.
One preacher wrote, "It is not great men who will refuse to serve others - it is insecure men - the ones who think that washing feet defines them as something less than others. That person will not serve in lowly tasks because he sees it as a challenge to his identity."
Jesus wasn't worried about what His disciples, or anyone else thought about Him. Jesus knew exactly who He was and He wasn't threatened by 'lowering' Himself to serve. And amazingly enough He also knew exactly what was in the heart of each of His disciples at that moment - including Judas. Let's jump back to a verse in the middle of that passage that we skipped earlier…
John 13:10-11 (NIV)
Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." (11) For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
Jesus knew that Judas was planning on betraying Him and He still washed his feet. Why would Jesus do that? That's grace! Jesus wants everyone to turn back to God no matter how far they've strayed; no matter what they've done or are planning on doing. And Jesus was willing to pay any price - as demonstrated in His act of service in washing Judas' feet and ultimately in giving His life on the cross!
Jesus did what He did in serving His disciples because of and in spite of what He knew. Jesus took away all our excuses for not serving one another. That brings us to…
II. What should we do?
Knowing what we know - what should we do?
From Josh McDowell's book, "Father Factor", 25 years of research shows: If their father does not go to church only 1 child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. Out of the 25 million children who are fatherless: these children are 5x's more likely to be poor, 30% more likely to use drugs and 2x's as likely to drop out of school. Fatherless females are: 71% more likely to have children as teens, 16% more likely to have an out of wedlock birth and 92% more likely to get a divorce.
Knowing what we know - what should we do? In light of eternity – what's the saddest thing that could happen to a person? - Not receiving Jesus and not receiving the forgiveness and mercy that comes along with that relationship. I think the second saddest thing that could happen is for a father to have a relationship with Jesus, to experience His love, to experience His grace – but then never work to pass on that faith to his children or grandchildren.
And I know that's a personal decision that our kids and grandkids will make on their own. But if we don't humble ourselves and gently, lovingly lead like Jesus - if we don't serve our families - that will make the decision to follow Jesus that much harder.
Have you ever known a very pious man, one who appeared on a Sunday morning to be a loving family man - but whose children grew up and left the Church because they knew their father to be a hypocrite? I don't want to be that. Do we practice what we preach and set the example?
Back in High School I was driving out to what used to be Camp LRCA. It was dark and rainy, and I was driving way too fast for the conditions. I came up on an 'S' curve and when the road turned - the car kept going straight. The car dropped hard nose down into a ditch in front of a tree. You couldn't even see the car from the road.
Of course that was before cell phones, so I had to hike over to a farm house and call my mom and ask her to tell my dad I crashed his car into a ditch. She called him at work and I nervously waited for him to arrive. I knew I was in big trouble. He showed up and I expected a lot of yelling... He made sure I was okay, looked down into the ditch, said a tow truck was on the way - and offered to take me out for pizza. That was the greatest sermon on mercy I ever experienced.
Jesus gave us the example of trusting God and humbly serving. What should we do? What should I do?
A. Humble yourself
A lack of humility among people of the world, and even among those who bear the name Christian, is one of the largest problems that this world faces. Pride leads a person to arrogantly reject God's authority and believe and act however they choose. Pride leads to a person demanding their own way regardless of the needs of others around them. A lack of humility gets in the way of us 'loving God and loving others'.
The Apostle Paul wrote, in Philippians 2:3-7 (NIV)...
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (4) Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (5) Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: (6) Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, (7) but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
We don't usually, blatantly tell Jesus 'no', but by not obeying - we do exactly that with our actions. We need to learn to humble ourselves…
B. …and follow
If men easily understood and accepted who they are called to be, it wouldn't be true that in the US, the number of fatherless homes has jumped from 10 million a few decades ago to over 25 million.
And if you weren't convinced that's a serious problem:
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
• 85% of those in prison grew up in a fatherless home
• 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
Most of us know what we're called to do; the problem isn't that we don't know. The problem is in the act of following.
An elementary school had been built and they were preparing to raise their American flag for the very first time. To make the day extra special, they invited a Marine Corps color guard to perform the duty. The soldier in charge called to confirm details and the secretary asked if he was sending marines who liked children. There was a brief pause before the man replied, "Ma'am, if I tell them to like children, they will like children."
Soldiers know how to follow. That's what we need to learn. Let's look one more time at Jesus' words to his disciples in John 13:15-17 (NIV)...
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. (16) I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. (17) Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
"Do as I have done for you…. You will be blessed if you do them." I suppose the direct implication is that if we don't do these things, we won't be blessed. What should we do? Humble ourselves and follow. Actually do what Jesus calls us to do and then enjoy the blessing of it.
So What?
If humble service was not above Jesus – it's not above any of us either. We show our love for God and for others by serving.
Remember at the beginning I talked about how authoritarian governments try to separate families? Men - the devil would love nothing more than to keep you from being a spiritual leader in your family. And there's a simple problem with leading - in order to lead, someone needs to follow. So the world puts all sorts of obstacles in the way to keep your family from following you. And the reality is this - even with your best efforts, outside forces can stop your family from following you. But they can't stop you from loving your family and being a servant.
When you choose to follow Jesus - the purpose of your life is no longer just about you - but about serving our gracious and loving Father. When a man becomes a father - the purpose of his life is no longer just about him, but in serving his family. May God bless us as we serve our families!